First Day of School = Quiet

As I sit here in my quiet house I am questioning why the tears are rolling down my face. I love the quiet. I love the ability to be able to clean and actually have it stay clean. My kids make me crazy when they fight with each other. I actually love for my kids to be in school because they love to learn, and let's face it- they are entertained for hours on end by someone other then me.

So again, why the tears?

I figured it out. For me, the beginning of a school year means another year older- not just for them, but for me also. Some days time drags by, but most of the time it is flying by! Taking each of the kids to school today means they are getting closer and closer to not being so little anymore. They know as parents we make mistakes and aren't always right, but right now they still believe we know best. I know that will stop soon. Kids are always so happy, and as we all get older we stop enjoying life as much as we used to. Mood swings set in, and some days I know they will feel like the world hates them. I realize this is normal and part of life, but I just want to shield them as much as possible. Keep them home and close and protect them- let them not see how sad and hard life can be.

I look at Lexi's picture of her first day of Kindergarten- I remember walking away and thinking- have I taught her enough, have I protected her too much, will she be ok???

And today when I walked her into Middle School and left her in her 5th grade class- I ask myself all those same questions again. I thought she would just want me to leave as quickly as possible, but she surprised me and in front of her class door SHE turned and looked at me, gave me the biggest hug, took a deep breath and then walked in her class. I know it was for her, but I think she knew this was a hard day for me too.

Ashlee started kindergarten at a private school in Las Vegas. I didn't get to hug her as much as I wanted, and we didn't get to walk her into class. I walked back to the car asking all the same questions again. Since it was my second child going to school it wasn't quite as scary for me, but still just as sad.

I didn't get to walk her to her class today either to start her last year of elementary school. But when Darrell came back from walking her, I know he was thinking the same things.

And then there's Carly. My little girl who can be the girliest thing, but go and run and keep up with all the boys. The little girl who can't wait to do anything new and exciting. I took her to kindergarten orientation and she cried. I was so surprised- she was very scared and so sad. I had been counting down the days for school to start until that moment. I drew a heart on her hand to let her know I loved her- and had to leave her.

I took her to class today and all I can think of is her little giggle. The little girl who at one year old figured out how to open the pantry, sneak the box of vanilla wafers and hide behind her high chair to eat them.

Then the same questions come. But also the worry of, will the teacher understand how badly Carly wants to sit and be so quiet like they are suppose to, but sometimes the urge to talk to a friend is just so hard to control. My little Bug is now a big Kindergartner. I hope I taught her enough.

The other kids at her table looked just as nervous as her.

So now I sit in my quiet house so thankful for my girls. Days like this are so hard, but so good- they remind me to be thankful for each of their personalities. Lexi can throw an attitude and get her head bobbing when she's really upset, but luckily those moments aren't so often. Ashlee will talk my ear off until I have to ask her to save her next few stories for later. But she is always there to give me a hug, kiss, and smile. I love her smile! Carly teases her older sisters until they cry, but 5 minutes later can be right next to that same sister playing happily and so sweet with them. She wants to be just like them, and do every thing they do.

I remember thinking all three girls looked so big in these pictures.....

And in these pictures...

And for sure in this picture!

I know they will come home with so many fun things to tell me, and I will be missing my quiet right around 5:00 when the house gets really crazy with dinner prep and hungry kids. So hopefully I'll remember how sad I am right now, and enjoy their little or big voices later today!

I had to throw this picture in of them at breakfast this morning- Look at those smiles... even Baylee is excited for them!