Tonight we said goodbye to Caleb and Chase. I can't really word how I feel right now. I feel a HUGE amount of relief- 5 kids is just way to many for me. But at the same time I miss them. They've become a part of the family and it's strange to sit here and not hear them chatting with the girls. My girls are crying little messes. As soon as the garage door closed Ashlee and Lexi both broke down, they really will miss having the boys around. But on the positive, I feel like I can give them more attention. They each have suffered through all the changes in their own way and it will be good to give them one on one time. Ashlee especially. She is our sensitive daughter. She has been asking constantly if she is loved and why no one pays attention to her. It broke my heart each time she would cry and say this, she wasn't trying to get attention, she really felt unwanted! What have i done to my daughter?! But I'm going to work on extra love and patience with them- they deserve more then what they have been getting from me the last 2 months.
I have noticed in that last week so many people I am friends with are going through sad times. Not anything tragic, just kind of Mommy Blues. You know, when you wonder what good you are doing and if you are being a good parent to your children- all that fun stuff. Is it in the air or what?! I totally feel it too! I have been feeling like that for a few weeks. But i also know when I am spiritually low my self worth is lower, so I guess I need to be a little more prayerful and more scriptures huh?!
In America...?
2 months ago
11 comments:
Your family has been on quite an emotional ride. This will be an experience that you will all remember. I think it is great that your girls were able to witness their parents giving so much charity - what a great example for them. We will all be happy to have our old Alissa back again!
What a wonderful Mommy you are! I'm am sure that your girls feel your love for they. Its just that they dont always now how to express there true feelings. I am also sure that no matter how hard it was to say goodbye to the boys, the girls will realize what a trail and a blessing it was to your whole family. They will understand that it was never a case of not loving them or not wanting to spend the time with them. It was that you love them so much and wanted nothing more then to give them the attention they needed. It was that there were 5 of them and only 1 of you. Its always hard to spead yourself out even harder when there are more of them then you are used to. You are a wonderful Mom and they know it.
I have always thought of you as a great mother!!! I am sure your girls know just how much you love them. You are so awsome to take on that extra responsiblity and I am sure your life has been and will be blessed because of it. Thanks for being a great friend and example to me Alissa. I appreciate your friendship.
It will be ok.
I am amazed by your generosity and concern for you family and all that you have done to help those boys. They needed you. Your girls will get what they need now. You are a great mommy and I admire you!
I am amazed by all that you have taken on the past two months. Ditto on what everyone else has said. You are wonderful and I admire everything you do. Thanks for being a great friend and example to me!
I imagine those 2 boys will miss your family a lot. I'm sure it was a tough time on your family, but what a blessing to those boys to have someone who cares and loves them!
That's funny because I was thinking the other day that I don't spend enough one on one time with my children and give them my full undivided attention. It seems like I'm always saying, "not right now." I really need to work on that, but not sure how. If you come up with ways to deal with that, please share :)
I have five kids all the time, but maybe it is different when they are your own. It has been interesting watching what you have gone through. I want to adopt at tome point and in a way I have been watching what you are going through vicariously. Although, I am sure adopting a newborn would be different than older kids. You are a great mom. Prayer always helps.
Angela I too have always wanted to adopt, this has just given me a little of reality of how it will affect my kids. But I also think my situation was very different. We were called one night and asked to get the boys, there was maybe 15 minutes to prepare the kids, and then to have older boys with all the habbits that need changing- I was not prepared for how difficult it would be. When you adopt you have time to prepare, all the paperwork and waiting- it gives great time to talk and prepare yourselves and the family. I do think a baby would be different- and especially if you don't have to worry about parents coming back. I think that's why it was so hard for me- I knew it was going to be temporary, and that made it that much harder. I had to keep a little wall up so I didn't get too attached to the boys since i knew they would be going home, if I didn't do that I knew I would fall apart when they went home. I have a whole new respect for foster parents now. I have no idea how they do it!
I wonder what it would feel like to be the 10th of 11 children...Now that's a lot of love to spread around! I bet the drastic change was probably the hardest thing about it all. Good luck getting back into your regular routine!
That's when it's nice to go back and re-read/listen to conference. I have been amazed at how many talks have been about family and specifically moms-our job is hard, but Heavenly Father trusts us. Don't know how people could do it without those comforts! Keep up the good work-you made a difference and some people appreciate it!
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