People think I'm crazy because I like to start my Christmas music right after Halloween, and love my Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving. I love the Christmas season! Everyone is so happy- well generally everyone is happy. The smiles on faces are genuine and the spirit of giving is so strong! Today I realized something. I have always loved the Christmas season, but I used to love the WHOLE holiday season, and I realized today what changed.
On November 15, 2003 my Dad passed away. I say November 15, but his death certificate says the 16 because he passed away late at night and they didn't call it until the 16th. My Dad had colon cancer. We had only found out in June- just 5 months before! I was at Darrell's family reunion when we found out the official diagnosis. I remember my Mom telling me and I just started crying- I knew in my gut it was bad. I hurt for my Dad, I hurt for my Mom, I hurt for all my family members, and I hurt for me! Darrell's Dad passed away 6 months before I met him- all I could think was my Dad was my girls only Grandpa left. It was a hard time for everyone in my family- we all had to deal with our emotions in our own way. But all of us were so sad for our Mom- they were best friends!! How do you survive the death of your very best friend?!
We moved to Las Vegas in September and were blessed to spend as much time as we could with Dad- we didn't know how quick he was going to go. He started getting really sick in November- I remember watching him roll the ball on the floor to Ashlee, and tickling Lexi- and just praying the girls would remember their Grandpa! My Dad was not a complainer- he was so strong! We all know he had to be in pain at points but he didn't let it show. My Dad ended up having a hole in his bowel- I hate the medical term so I'm not going to put it in here. We saw him Friday night and my brother Ben gave him a beautiful blessing, we didn't know what was wrong at this time. Some of my siblings drove down from Salt Lake in the middle of the night because they had a strong feeling to go. Saturday the 15th was the worst day of my life! I never imagined all that would happen. I was able to get a hold of one of my sisters and she told me she didn't know much, but that he had to be moved to ICU. I loaded up the girls and drove to my parents home. Darrell was at KB Home raffle to get our lot- it's when the market was crazy in Las Vegas and there were no houses in available! He had his phone off since it was crazy there. When I walked in my parents home my oldest sister Robyn was very anxious. For those of you who don't know Robyn, she is the 2nd oldest of 11 kids and has cerebral palsy. She said she wanted me to take her to the hospital because they had to put a tube in Dad. I thought maybe she had misunderstood someone- but I told her I'd take her as soon as I could get a hold of Darrell, or find someone to watch the girls. I have no idea who watched the girls now- I don't even remember! But after talking to one of my siblings and being told that Dad had to be intabated I freaked! I knew it was bad- they were putting him on life support! So much had changed in just a few hours! I felt so alone- I needed Darrell's support and couldn't get a hold of him! At the hospital we all sat in an empty ICU room, while they were working on Dad. It was an awful feeling- just so helpless! Dad held on until all of my siblings were there to say goodbye. He was going even with life support, but luckily everyone was able to make it, except one sister in law and 2 nieces. There was only one seat on the flight so my brother took it. It was so hard to say goodbye- but even more hard to watch my Mom say goodbye. Oh, I forgot to say- Darrell finally called me to tell me the good news of getting a lot- and then I told him the bad news of Dad- he got there immediately!
That night after we went home I woke up in the night wondering if it was a dream and realizing it wasn't, and the endless tears came. Every time we got on I95 and took the Boulder Station exit I would cry- that was the exit to my parents house and it hurt so bad to think of my Dad not being there anymore. The first Thanksgiving with out him there was so different. We felt his spirit though. He was close. Everyone was still there and it was nice for Mom to have all the comfort and support. But I think Thanksgiving is a hard time for me now. The first Christmas was hard also, but once again all the kids came home and we got to spend the holidays with Mom. A friend who dressed up as Santa came to my Mom's house and surprised all the kids since they had had such a rough holiday season. My kids still talk about that and loved it!! I love my Dad and am so thankful for him and the great example he was to all of us! But now I'd rather not have Thanksgiving because it's too close to when we lost Dad. Christmas is a little easier because it's all about the kids and giving- there's no time for self pity and feeling bad for what you don't have.
This year we are going back to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving and I want to make new memories associated with it. I never realized until today that I like to just skip over T-day and just get right to Christmas. I need to be thankful, and appreciate the blessings of having been raised by a great father who loved each of his children and sacrificed so much for all of us and not focus on the fact that we don't have him here anymore.
Mom and Dad at their wedding on September 7, 1960
I know I've posted this picture before- but it's the last picture we have of Mom and Dad with all 11 kids. This was 2 months before he passed away.
Here's the whole family at the time- there have been a few additions since then, 14and a half more grand kids, and a sister in law. The sun was so stinkin bright and right in our eyes! We were trying to sing songs to entertain the kids, but the facial expressions didn't turn out so well!
16 comments:
I have to say that I am with you on celebrating Christmas the whole month of December though. I usually start putting up the Christmas decorations long before the turkey goes in the oven! What a traumatic experience to have during the holidays. I am sorry about the loss of your Dad. Hoping your trip home to Vegas will be healing for you.
What a nice post, to honor your dad. That would be so hard. I hope you guys have a great time in Las Vegas and can create lots of new, great memories! :)
Wow. It happened so fast from June to November. It was harder on Ben than it was on me. I hadn't known Lavier very long. I think Ben is a lot like him though.
Thanksgiving is very important. Besides the history behind the pilgrims and Indians, to me it represents family, togetherness, and the blessings we share.
Your mother had to find ways to help her be happy even when she's having a difficult time and misses your father. She faces those feelings probably yearround, not only around November. I reccommend talking with her and asking her how she focuses on happiness when she misses him. You've got to start enjoying Thanksgiving. I think Lavier wouldn't want to take that away from you. I hope I haven't sounded insensitive at all, I know this is a very close and personal subject. I love you Alissa.
Thanks for sharing that story Alissa - it can't be easy to talk or write about the passing of a parent.
On the bright side, that's great that you're coming to Vegas for Thanksgiving, any plans to come visit Iron Mountain Ranch?
It is interesting to hear how your day was when Dad died. Every time I am at the intersection at Walnut and Owens I flashback, because that is where I was out working when I got the phone call that they were moving him to ICU. That was definately an awful day, yet I don't think I could have happened in any better way. I know that sounds weird, but we were very fortunate that we could all be there together with him. I am very grateful for that. We were able to be together to help each other. I remember feeling so relieved when Mike and Laura finally arrived, because then we were all together. I felt bad for Kevin because his family couldn't be their. If you think about it we were all there to witness probably the most beautiful moment in Dad's life. A very sad day for us but a beautiful graduation of life for him. It was so hard to watch Mom. I remember when she had to sign the release to take him off of the ventilator, she was shaking. She really didn't want to sign the paper but the nurse told her his body wasn't fit for living anymore. That had to be awful for her. It is still hard to watch her. She misses him so much. They are soul mates. I don't think she will be complete again until they are together again. I am just so thankful for a gospel that allows us to all be together again. We will be doing thanksgiving at my house. We'll have to come up with some way for us all to remeber him. I can't believe it has been 5 years already. Audrey is right. He wouldn't want us to be sad. I think he would want us to celebrate all of the good that he did in his life. Although we miss him horribly, just think about how nice it will be to someday be together again. Whenever we need him we will be able to feel him near. He is not very far away.
P.S. My kids were at the hospital. I thought yours were too. I remember thinking how incredibly well behaved all of the kids had been. They were stuck in the ICU waiting room for a long time.
I'm so sorry about your dad. Tears were fully streaming as I read your post. I hope you have a good holiday with your family. You dad sounds like an amazing man.
Those pictures are great-it's so nice to remember those we love. I have a sewing kit of my grandmother's that I love to open just to smell "her." I'm glad that we will be together this Thanksgiving-it may not be the most traditional, but it will be good to be with family.
Very insightful and touching. Thanks for sharing. I hope you have a great time in Las Vegas this year and can begin to enjoy Thanksgiving once again.
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you have a great time this Thanksgiving. You should start a new tradition. I'm sure your mom will be thrilled to have you all!
I believe I avoid th ewhole November thing too because of Dad's death. November 16th is a bittersweet day for me. While we celebrate our anniversary, i still have to recall Dad and that he is not here. I will say I had been away from home for a while, so it wasn't as hard for me as those in Las Vegas. I was used to not seeing Dad all the time. It is weird going home though.
I don't remeber much about the day he died. I wished I had written my thoughts and feeling down. It all happened so fast!
You probably don't remember me, I was friends with Darrell back in the institute days. I have checked out your blog a couple of times, I honestly don't remember how I came accross it.
I had to leave a comment because my Dad died on November 16, 2003, too. I know exaclty how you feel. Thanksgiving is hard. I hope you have a nice visit with your family.
Now that I think of it, I ran into you and Darrell at the Temple on November 16, 2004. Your family must have been there for the same reason ours was.
i'm glad you are such a good writer alissa! it's so helpful to read how others endure challenges. he is a wonderful man. i loved his laugh.
Thank you for opening your heart and thoughts into this post. It is so hard to lose a loved one, especially so quickly. While I don't know your family, it sounds like you are all very close...don't ever lose that! No matter what else happens, family is all that counts. Thank you for sharing and as you come to Vegas this Thanksgiving, think about all those great memories you have!
Oh, Alissa-- I just sat and cried as I read this blog about your dad. My dad died last September, but I think I am still kind of in denial over it... he had Altzheimer's so he was gone for a couple of years before he actually left. I think it must be healing to reach the point you're at-- to be able to stop and feel the love and the memories instead of rushing to try to avoid the pain. I just love you.
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