Nine and a half years of learning

All the time I do something, say something, or am just reminded of something I never thought I would do, see, or think was acceptable as a mom, or for kids to do. W-O-W, have things changed in the 9 and a half years I've had of learning.

Only a few of you have known me my whole life, a few more have known me from high school, a few more pre marriage, but most of you know me after I became a mom.

As a kid I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Seriously, that's all I wanted! I wanted to have the big 15 passenger van full of clean sweet kids- with the perfect husband. The only problem I could foresee (as a child) was I knew having babies hurt, so I was set on adopting. I don't remember playing being pregnant, because it was absurd to think anyone would willingly put themselves in a painful situation. I remember playing all the time down in our basement in Missouri and pretending to "buy" my babies- adoption. Yep, that was the plan- adoption had all the answers for me. I could choose if I wanted a boy or girl, this was a big deal growing up with 6 brothers that teased CONSTANTLY. I never wanted to have a boy- they were gross, mean, and always did the hold you down thing and have spit hanging out of their mouth and would suck it up at the last minute. Can't remember what that torture was called. Here were a few other tortures, indian burns, punching, hitting, pulling hair, burping, farting, yep the list can keep on going, but I'll stop there.

So, I got the perfect husband- any guy that can deal with all my craziness is pretty close to perfect to me!

Then came the news of being pregnant. I just KNEW it was a boy. I was excited, but as for the reasons I listed above had many reservations and thoughts on what and how my son would be. The ultra sound came, and it was a girl! I was sceptical, cause like I said, I just KNEW it was a boy. But deep in my heart I HOPED it was a girl- I couldn't wait to be a mom. All the worries of painful delivery and all the other fun stuff came- but it was worth EVERY SINGLE uncomfortable moment. Here are a few of the common occurrences when I'm pregnant- throwing up, passing out, grouchy, tired, hormonal, sore boobs, lazy, swollen ankles... I'll stop now.

During my pregnancy with Lexi I realized my husband wasn't so perfect, but of course I still loved him! Pregnancy was do- able, cause I was going to have the "perfect" baby girl.

Lexi was a PERFECT baby too! She was beautiful, she slept through the night at 6 weeks. Nursing wasn't so bad. I did struggle with the grossness of breast milk. I have such strange issues with bodily fluids! It would gross me out, and I would wash my hands immediately if any got on me. Weird issues- I know! Yep, my plans were still there. Then Lexi started drooling and having a runny nose. WHOA! None of my kids were going to have runny noses. I finally realized there was nothing I could do with her teeth coming in, but she would NEVER have a dry crusty booger nose! Ah, then came Ashlee. I loved Ashlee- and was again thankful for another little girl! But she NEVER stopped crying! My kids were NEVER going to cry! I also was NEVER going to get frustrated with my baby. My babies would NEVER have a yucky cough, or diaper rashes, or be temperamental. Have you caught on that I should never say never!?! Ashlee was always sick! She spit up like crazy, wouldn't nurse, and still cried all the time! Elisha- you saved me during the first few months of having Ashlee. I remember you knocking at my door saying to let you in. I couldn't figure out why I was having such a hard time with my perfect little girl- what was I doing wrong? Elisha would take Ashlee and Lexi for me so I could rest- sleep was not happening either. Thank you Elisha! I think back to those days and I don't think anyone except Darrell and I know just how bad I was feeling as a mom. You coming and forcing me to answer my door, and you being willing to help watch my girls made such an impact on me!

Fast forward a year and a half. I realized you can't help kids having runny noses, and yep, my girls did sometimes have crusty booger noses cause they were so chapped from being wiped you only wiped their nose when it was absolutely necessary, to avoid them more pain. We found out I was suffering from post partum- the doctor gave me great advice and help on how to help myself with out medication. We found out Ashlee had reflux, colic, and asthma. Get all that figured out, and life was good. My plan could still work- no smart mouths, no tantrums. Kids always had hair done, sometimes 2 baths a day, house was clean. Mopped every week, vacuumed my stairs weekly. Life was just like I wanted it- although we were still dirt poor!

Then came tantrums. Lexi could throw the nastiest, ugliest tantrums over silly things. Then there were the ones on getting hair done- a battle I was NOT going to lose! My kids would never be a scraggly homeless looking child! I came to realize a tantrum isn't so bad- she'll stop screaming eventually, and eventually she out grew them. Just in time for Ashlee to grow into them. UGG! I said my kids would NEVER throw tantrums!! Fine- I accepted the fact that normal kids do throw them- and it's normal for them to nasty hellish tantrums at times. Then came Carly. She was a great, easy baby. I wasn't so freaked out if breast milk got on me. Been there, done that with diaper rashes, booger noses, the utter nastiness of poopy diapers, a baby can be bathed every other day and still be clean and smell good. Having 3 kids mellowed me. There are still battles that I fight- the hair. But not as extreme as I used to. Lexi now does her own hair. It was so hard for me to let go of that control. Ashlee can do hers on Saturdays, and sometimes Carly only gets it brushed with a headband. Guess what I realized- my kids are still cute, clean, and "perfect." Yep, and sometimes kids do naughty little things like dump nail polish out on the carpet, pur a whole bottle of syrup on the table, pour shampoo all over the TV to wash it, and even get into paint at a friends house an d RUIN the carpet! Love that 3rd daughter!

I'm sure by now you are wondering why I am writing all this. What spurred these thoughts today? Baylee is wearing a black onesie that says

When I had Lexi I NEVER would have let her wear black! It was always pink, with cute little brain squeezers, and cute hair clips. Then with 2 daughters we had a lot of pink and purple things. Three daughters, pink purple, and yellow things. Now with 4 daughters- we are open to any color I can find. Still, a brain squeezer is usually on the baby, kids hair has to be brushed- but I've learned there are more important things to worry about. The house and bathrooms get cleaned at least once a week, usually twice. The dishes get done about 5 out of 7 days a week. I used to vacuum everyday- nope, it's once or twice a week too. I am learning to pick my battles, and really try hard to never say never. When I have it bites me in the butt! I know there are many more things I'm going to learn- probably many more battles I'll figure out later that I didn't need to fight. But that's what this life is for- learning. So I'm sorry to all the mothers I use to judge and say under my breath, "My child will NEVER do that." I'm sure as I was mumbling, that mom I was judging was laughing at me thinking, "just wait."