As I've said many times, Ashlee is our sensitive daughter. She is so sweet and loving, then other times so intense. She's not mean to anyone, but she gets frustrated so easy. This has been going on for years. She has also been complaining of stomach pains and sore throats a lot. We took her in a few years ago and they said it was probably reflux- it sounded like it to me too. She has been on medication but her stomach pains haven't been going away. Darrell and I have started wondering if it's stress. She doesn't know how to not let herself get frustrated- most things that won't bother kids, really bother her- silly things. When I say bother her- she stresses and makes herself sick about them. I have such a hard time figuring out how I can help her learn to relax and realize life would really stink if we worried so much about every single detail in life. When she worries she cries and then her stomach hurts. It's hard to tell if it's reflux and makes her stomach hurt, or stress makes her stomach hurt, or if she's just needing attention. When the boys were living with us it got way worse- she cried when she first woke up that her stomach hurt and was going to the nurse all the time. As soon as she got home it was hurting. Now that the boys have gone home we thought it would get better and it's gotten worse. Then she was testing for the gifted program and I thought maybe she was worried about that- we found out she made it, but the stomach pains continued. We've tried being extra loving- it didn't help, we've tried being mean about it and sending her to her room- it didn't help- so we finally went to the doctor. My gut tells me she has a lot of anxiety, but I don't know how to help her. Because this has been going on so long, I also worry if she's already given herself ulcures- when she worries she really worries! As Ashlee was talking to the Doctor and explaining where it hurt and when it just made me feel bad. It has been bugging her for so long- what if we've been ignoring something that is really painful for her?! But that's how my mind works- I get all worked up about the what if's! The doctor agreed with me it probably is more anxiety, but we should probably do a few tests because it's gone on so long. Then she told me if the tests come back OK I should probably take her to a therapist. I kind of froze- what have I done?! I know I'm a strict mom, am I too hard on my kids? Am I the reason she is so stressed? She then told me she had to take her daughter who was about this same age, they just need to learn how to cope with stress- it's nothing we've done. That made me feel a little better.
Ashlee was not happy to find out she had to have a blood test, talk about stressful situation! When we got there she was shaking, but was the hit of the office. My girls love to have glitter spray in their hair, so as soon as she walked in ladies were flocking around her to see her sparkle. That made her relax. She actually did really good for the draw- better then me- I cried a little- I'm a wimp! She loved her pink bandage and couldn't wait to show everyone. They gave her a sucker for being brave and me a piece of chocolate for being brave! I guess it was obvious I was nervous for her! But we survived and should find out the results in a few days. If any of you have advice on how you help your kids cope with stress- please share!!
7 comments:
Wow Alyssa that's tough! I'm sorry to hear that you've been going thru this. It's hard to see our children suffer! I pray that the tests come back okay too. I don't have much advice - maybe talking her on walks to clear her head or give her time to talk about anything that's bothering her - Good Luck :)
Poor Ashlee (and Alissa)! It's so hard when your kids don't feel good or are stressed out and you can't do anything about it. Tessa is kind of like that too--getting stressed out and upset (but not so bad that her stomach hurts like that). Good luck! I hope they figure everything out and Ashlee starts feeling better soon.
I don't think I am much help with advice here - Max already being a basket case. I am sorry she is in such constant pain. If they find out it is ulcers, what can they do to treat it? It is nice to hear that you can take the blame off of yourself though.
Alissa,
First of all, I love you and I'm going to miss you at the reunion.
I think Ashlee would benefit from some personal time with you each day. Reading to her with her in your lap. Also comfort food like warm cocoa and popcorn with a favorite movie. I don't know if she's a physical touch type of kid, but maybe holding her tight and running your fingers through her hair. She probably needs to be reassured by your voice that everything is okay and you're so happy to have her. Ask her what she wants to do for fun today.
I have a very intense child and can't really get much done at home when he's there. A sister in my ward offered to let him come over and play for a few hours a couple times a week and that has helped me. I think some children suffer from anxiety and we as their mothers suffer too because they are not pleasant to be around when they are breaking down all of the time. It drains your energy. So take care of yourself, too.
Oh, sweet Ashlee. I hope everything come out o.k. I hope you do well also. I don't have much in the way of advice, but know that I'm thinking and praying for you both!
Stephanie took the words out of my mouth. Love you Alissa, and I hope that everything works out. Such a wonder little girl, and you are such a caring mother. We will be praying for you.
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