If Only It Could Always Be This Easy!

Lexi has been having quite the attitude lately! I always talk about how mild and sweet she is- the past few weeks she has everything opposite of mild and sweet! I was getting really worried about if this is what it was going to be like as she turned to a pre-teen- if it was- I WAS IN HUGE TROUBLE!
Yesterday we had a big breakthrough, but I have to back up a little. Last week she was just telling me about her day. I am blessed in the fact that my kids are very honest about their day- they commonly tell on themselves. Lexi was telling me how she had told one of her closest friends he had yellow teeth. Umm... back up- you said what?! Keep in mind this is my child who is generally nice to everyone and sticks up for the little guy. I told her that was not acceptable- it probably really hurt his feelings. She was to NEVER say that to ANYONE again. She said ok, and told me she would tell him sorry at school the next day.
Fast forward a few days to yesterday.....
Ashlee came from the bus- crying. The first thing i always say to them as they walk in the door was ask how school was. I was asking and noticed the tears. Oh Great! This is how the conversation went.
Ashlee- Lexi told me on the bus that my teeth are yellow.
Alissa- What did you say to her?
Ashlee- I told her that was mean and it made me start crying. So I asked Addie if my teeth were yellow and she told me they were too! Then Lexi leaned in my face and said, they are really yellow and when people look at you they are going to look at your teeth.
Alissa- WHAT THE HECK?!
Needless to say I was very upset with Lexi, she came in the door a few seconds later. Ashlee ran to the bathroom crying and started brushing her teeth. Ashlee hates grown up toothpaste, she thinks it's too hot, but is an avid brusher- everyday. I asked Lexi why she said that- and was trying to stay calm and not yell how mean it was. Her response was, because they are. I told her it has really hurt her sisters feelings, and reminded her of the talk we had last week on how that hurts peoples feelings. She just acted like she really didn't care, so I told she needed to apologize to Ashlee, hug her and tell her why she was sorry, and if she EVER says that to anyone again she is getting 2 spoons of vinegar. Lexi went into the kitchen to unpack her lunchbox, and I asked her if she understood what I was telling her she needed to do. Her response was a yelled snotty YES! That was it! I got up and told her to get in the kitchen. I gave her vinegar and she spit it on me! Seriously I was seeing flames I was so mad!! I told her to get up to her room now. She started crying saying she'll take it- I told her too late. She was up there while I called Darrell, and consoled Ashlee. After I could tell I was calm I felt like I needed to pray and try to figure out what is going on- this is not like her. She is not perfect- but she also isn't like this either.
I went up to her room and she was sobbing on her bed. I told her I loved her and hugged her. We started talking about why she was feeling so angry and upset for the past few weeks and what can Mom and Dad do to help her be happy again. Consequences were always going to be enforced for bad behavior- but how could we help. She just got this look on her face that made tears come to my eyes. I felt like I should ask her about her friends- more wondering if they were not being good influences- maybe they said things like this and Lexi was doing it to fit in. I was told all her friends were nice to everyone except her good friend she has had since last year. This little girl, whom I've never met- Lexi has talked about her all this year and last- they always sat together on the bus and called each other. Anyway, this little girl is always telling Lexi she is not going to be her friend. I asked her why she thinks she keeps saying it. IF Lexi talks to another one of her friends it makes this girl really mad and she says all kinds of hurtful things to Lexi. We sat there and talked for an hour about things she can do to get through this, and if it doesn't get better she has to decide if this is someone she wants to be friends with if she is always hurting her feelings. I had no idea how bad this was getting for Lexi! She has been crying everyday for the last 2 weeks on the bus because this girl is telling her if she talks to anyone else she is not going to be her friend.
My analogy I gave Lexi next was inspired, I have no idea where these thought s came from, but I know the Lord was helping me. I talked to her about how she is loved- by her family, Grandma's, aunt's uncles cousins- all that- but that her Heavenly Father loves her and doesn't want her to be so sad. We talked about prayer and how she can pray for help- it might not make the problem go away right away- but it can help her to feel comfort. We said a little prayer together and she was all smiles. I then talked to her about talking to adults about feelings- it's ok to vent. She didn't understand what venting was. I asked her to imagine holding a sprite in a bottle. If you shake it really hard what happens- it gets really hard. I told her that's what happens to us when we get really stressed or frustrated- we get really grouchy and just don't feel like ourselves. Then I asked her what happens if you take the lid off the shaken bottle- it explodes. I told her sometimes we explode if we get so frustrated- not like our arms flying off and stuff- but we just get so angry with everyone and everything we take it out on everyone. But what happens if you open that sprite bottle REALLY slowly? It makes that ssssssss sound. That's like us venting, if we talk out our problems just venting to someone can help us feel so much better. The problems are still there but talking to some one helps so much. A light bulb came on for her. She asked who it was ok to talk about this to- I told her me, Darrell, even Ashlee, since she is there at school with her. I also told her to talk to her teacher if she is at school and feels really upset.
That took an hour- but so worth the time! My Lexi is back. She talked to that little girl today and asked her why she is so mean to her sometimes. She told her she was afraid Lexi didn't want to be friends anymore- Lexi told her she wants to be friends but only if she treats her nicely. I was so proud of her! I can't believe she is having to deal with this already! Isn't this suppose to happen when they are teenagers?! I remember the first time dealing with this and how hard it was- but I was 12, not 8! I was so thankful to be able to talk to Lexi and get things figured out and help her with a few ideas on how to fix this problem. Now if only it could always only take an hour to fix the little drama's in her life- I'm dreading what the next few years will be!
Oh, I forgot to mention my absolute favorite things she did- she gave Ashlee a really big hug and told her she was really sorry and how pretty she thinks she is. She then gave me a hug and told me sorry for being so grouchy the past few weeks!!