When you have kids it's always fun to see who they look like, hair color, eye color, you know all that good stuff. Then as they get older you start noticing they come with their own little personality- and the analyzing starts again- if they are an ornery little thing of course you blame it on the genes that are not yours. If they are sweet calm and content- then of course those genes have to come from you.
One thing I have noticed is the strange little quirks I have that I did not want to pass on to my kids. Some are physical- some are personality. Ashlee is the child who looks like my side of the family, and the older she gets the more I am realizing she is how I was as a child. Her worries and stresses are so much like mine were as a kid.
Ashlee at her 4th birthday- she was so worried about her care bear candles melting- stress!
Her fear of storms, I don't think I was paralyzed in fear as she was, but I remember hiding under a chair with my dolls and crying because the thunder was so loud I just knew a tornado was coming! She also has an older sister who has coordination and anything she puts her mind to she succeeds. I felt that way with my older sisters. They had coordination for sports, dancing, anything- it did not come that easy for me. I was the one who just loved playing with my dolls and I was a girly girl who just wanted to be a mom. I was fine not playing sports because if I did then I felt like I had to be as good as my other siblings- and I just wasn't. I probably could have been if I worked at it, but instead I just quit. With Ashlee I see these tendencies in her. I don't want her to quit and I don't want her to live in fear. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 7, I had NO desire to. Why in the world would I want to get on this thing that I knew I was going to fall off of and get hurt. To this day I can count on one hand how many times I have been on a bike. When we started teaching Lexi and Ashlee to ride bikes with out training wheels Lexi learned really fast. Ashlee did not want to learn, but then she decided she would teach herself. It took her longer to learn, but she did it. If we tried to encourage her or give her pointers she would get really mad and just stop. That's when I first started noticing how much Ashlee was like me in personality.
She practiced and practiced- and finally did it!!
I have noticed it in more things, like in softball, piano lessons, homework, roller blading, dance.... The list could go on forever! Ashlee started complaining A LOT about practicing piano and complaining about not wanting to play softball anymore. She finally said- it's really hard! Then I knew I needed to talk to her about all the things I miss out on as a kid because it was too hard.
I told her about me starting piano lessons and quiting because I didn't want to practice- and how I regret it to this day. I told her how I didn't learn to swim because I was afraid and it was hard, so as an adult I had to take swim lessons- and I missed out on all kinds of fun as a kid because I was too scared to learn how! I told her about playing the viola in 4th grade and moving to Las Vegas in 6th. Everyone was just learning instruments so I was first chair viola- but it was boring to me- I hated practicing! So I switched to cello and liked it for a while- but quit again. I think she was really surprised to hear all these things- it's hard to think of you parents being kids. I also talked to her about comparing herself to her sister and how I did and that's why I quit a lot of times. We talked about how some things are easy for some and some things are hard. You can't just quit because it's a little harder. I also talked to her about finding her own interests. I don't want her to quit piano, but she doesn't have to play it forever. She has expressed interest in the viola- and wants to learn it eventually. She has been so much better about practicing piano now- no more crying and acting like it's killing her. In softball she still has not hit a ball in a game- but her attitude is great. After her game on Saturday I was worried she would feel frustrated at not hitting, but she was so excited in telling me how close she is getting to the ball. I am glad to see she can have a positive attitude- and that she is not really ready to give up. She needs encouragement in a different way. And will start her own activities instead of doing the same ones as Lexi. With all these girls I know the comparing and all the fun stuff are just beginning and it is only going to get harder and worse as they get closer to being a teenager. But I'm thankful for the little lessons I can help them with for now- it's breaking us in as parents for what's ahead!
I love this kid!!
7 comments:
She sounds so much like Tessa. Tessa stresses out a lot too, and always compares herself to her brothers and her friends and all of that. We've had the same discussions. It's so hard to see them frustrated and stressed out. We keep telling her the same things--to not worry about what anyone else does, just try to do your best and that's all that matters, and that everyone has different strengths & weaknesses, and different talents. Your Ashlee is such a little sweetheart. I'm glad she's learning to deal with her worries.
You are right on and I love the way you went about talking to her about your own history and experiences. It is amazing how many of our traits can carry down to our kids, and how many are all their own. My oldest is just like me, very hard on herself. She expects perfection in everything she does and gets so frustrated when things don't turn out the way she expected. It's hard sitting back and watching it so I love your advice. I think it also works like therapy on me that I have to be more cautious about how I deal with things too.
On a totally different note, How have you been feeling? You are getting so close!!!
You are so cute. I love that Ashlee is so much like you. I love the birthday cake picture. It is so sweet.
I think it is funny you switched from viola to cello. I did the opposite. I like the viola, but I really loved the cello. I just didn't like having to take it on the bus. I think we all have things like that. I never got piano lessons and I never learned to slide. I have taught Kylea how to slide, but we need to get busy on the piano.
ps Tell Ashlee not to feel bad about not getting a hit yet. Kylea hasn't got a solid hit this season yet. At the batting cages she squashes the ball every time. I think playing with the big boys intimidates her a bit, because she goes to school with some of them.
We're getting to the sibling rivalry as well. I don't like it. It's hard when you have two kids the same sex and so close together. The younger one always seems to follow the older one, but is different. Ryan and Aaron are doing that now. We are trying to encourage Aaron to do his own things.
PS don't worry dancing coordination just doesn't run in our family, or at least I didn't get it either I hate that I stopped piano and viola too I want to learn the cello too
We love Ash-ers!! And you'll have to pass along the how to deal with an emotional kid for us-give all the things that worked ;o)
I think no matter how hard we try, we pass on personality traits to our kids!!
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